So here I am, excited beyond words about my cousin’s wedding and lots of time to spend with kindred spirits around a campfire, beneath the stars, drinking coffee and talking philosophy and life. Then one flight is cancelled, I manage to make standby on another, but still arrive in Dallas too late to catch the connecting flight. Arrival in Nebraska is now delayed by 5 hours. Mainly, however, the entire atmosphere of this airport is soul-sucking. I feel trapped, barely able to breathe. Automated voices over the speakers, moving stairwells, faceless masses running late to nowhere, burdens in tow, efficiently channelled through sterile, numbered halls. Anything but complete compliance swiftly punished for the sake of national security (or something), crappy food at exorbitant prices because you’re trapped here, panic of trying to make flights, worry at cancellation, sore necks from trying to find moments of sleep. Bile is literally rising in my throat. Peace…peace….I must intentionally suppress an intense array of emotions–anger, hatred, sorrow, even panic.
Humans are certainly odd creatures. How completely we have managed to insulate ourselves from life. It borders on impressive, if not for the repulsiveness. Think about this: it is entirely feasible, without any significant effort, never to set foot on the earth. Houses, roads, stores… We call the bits of earth that we have haphazardly covered up “improved surfaces.” This, my friends, may be called a fine example of hubris. Also just ignorance.
My toes long to grow roots into the dirt and be covered in grass. Don’t we love to feel our feet in gooey mud?…at least while we’re still young and sane. Have you ever heard anyone long to feel the asphalt? Just saying…
♦ ♦ ♦
Joy!
Feet once more on land
eyes beholding at last the faces of loved ones
We are free!
And carefree!
Windows rolled down
breeze dancing with our hair
music flying high as our spirits
A vineyard
emerald hill with pond at its foot
long grass sunsets
cicada chorus
Food and friends and fire
…night falls
Ukulele and voices narrate the celebration
laughter rises with the campfire sparks
Fellowship in smoke of pipe and fire
Whiskey and wine
Stories dancing on summer night’s breeze
And eyes close,
one by one…
…good morning
Whispered in sleeper’s ear
by the birds’ chirp and warble
the song of bullfrogs and crickets
cool breeze
soft grey sky
welcoming
promising storm to wash the earth
dewy grass
cold feet
smoking coals with glimmer of life
One by one
awake
stretch like contented felines
refreshed
(for there is no better way to awaken
than by a campfire
under open skies)
still tired from happiness
Coals yield a breakfast
bacon and eggs
pancakes and berries
“time to leave”
the droplets from heaven say
We are ready for the day’s adventures
♦ ♦ ♦
Night falls
Tiptoe through monastery
Silents steps into earth
ancient crypt
A place of peace
fellowship of the living and dead
Candles illuminate eyes
Voices soar in chant and song
in room too long silent
♦ ♦ ♦
A day of preparation
anticipation
full of food and friendship
Return.
In church courtyard
a haven
red leaves framed against deep blue expanse
silver stars singing with us
Quiet words and wine
circle on cool stone
descend to crypt
layers
melody
harmony
rhythm
Voices blending with guitar strings
crescendo reaching the heavens
a communion among us
with the past
the future
all one
a lullaby
eyelids fall
souls at rest
♦ ♦ ♦
Morning calls
Arise!
Celebrate!
We run ‘round
crazy with excitement
For today is the day!
Revel in the moment
A blur of final preparations
And here we are
tree-branch arbor
bare feet one with the grass
smiles and tears
song and poetry
laughter of free spirits
as two become one
and we share wholeheartedly
in their elation
Merry-making!
Food and champagne
Music and dance
There is no time but now
Pinnacle of human happiness
hazy blue dusk
deep blue night
dance with all your heart
one with the stars
we are here
Now joined to all time
grace and beauty abound
…now spent with happiness
let us find rest.
♦ ♦ ♦
Now the time of celebration is over, and I must return for a while to the rat race. My emotions are different than previously, as I trek through this airport. Before, partially due to the high stress preceding, frustration with the system was acutely felt. Now, I have rested and celebrated for days. I am deeply sad to be leaving, peacefully hopeful about the future, content to live. I just feel pity to see this, even a little apathetic. I hate it but won’t deign to waste thought on it.
Now what to do? I return for a while to the game of life, but my being cannot ignore: it is only a game. Having tasted of eternity, am I to return to the transitory? I long for community and joy, rest and creation, song and dance. Am I to merely enact the role ordained by society? Say my lines in turn, enact each duty at the prescribed time? No. I am newly aware of a loneliness in my soul, there all along and now unmasked. It is the sorrow of parting from the truest of companions, the desire to live in such a community always, and frustration with the obstacles that would tie me to this life apart from love. God give me hope and strength to see things set aright, love and peace to give to all around me.
