A door shut, the World ahead

When I was a little child91779178d97eace2560be89ed7b90444
I hesitated
Before the jump
the plunge
the step
Postponing the inevitable
why?
It must have been a fear of action
Trepidation was my deadly comfort
Pride justifying my caution
dismissing as reckless those who dared to live each moment

And now
all grown up
(or something like that)
Am I not the same?
For all my supposed bravery
What is my life
but waffling
hesitation
whether under the guise of procrastination or prudence
I know it by name
My fear
so precious
a leech on my veins
sapping all vigor
until my adventurous spirit is anemic
too weak to climb the mountain
or even out of bed.
Denying what I knew
putting it in terms that left others in complacency
explaining away my deepest heart’s passion
Afraid
That I might be wrong
That I might lose friendship
Wither away bereft of community

The final break
the pain
the freedom
I laugh and cry
joy and sorrow and something I can’t quite put my finger on
A door closed
a bridge burned
There is no going back.
I feel a fleeting moment of terror
Not regret
but threat
the snarling of a faceless captor
who would have me believe its claws can still ensnare my soul
but then relief
immense and overwhelming
welling up within me
It is in the past
gone
a vapor dissipated by sunlight
And all those threats that kept me in the dark
proven exhilaratingly falsef89aaca8b5a7282a3b79e2a56c1375ac
I am not alone
not cold and hungry
There are others
All dancing and singing
loving each other and the world
All so happy to see me free
all welcoming me with open arms
not judging
sharing in my joy
For the first time ever
I can breathe easy
Not walking on tiptoe or censoring my thoughts and words
Speaking and creating without fear
Knowing that love is unconditional
That I belong here
It is enough
I am enough
We are whole

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